10 Observations About The Trashy Staten Island Girl Who Fell Down A Sewer Hole While Texting

Ahh - the joys of syndicated news. I saw this Staten Island special on Fox News in Boston last night, and had a good laugh over it. I'm from New York, and, as ridiculous as I sometimes find the Boston accent, I howl hardest at troughs of verbal diarrhea when they're filled with outer-borough Gotham-ese. I don't have time to identify every hilarious part of this clip, but here are a few questions and observations that are burned into my mind:

1 - The girl says something like, "Oh my God - this is not happening." I don't know why that's funny, but it is. Maybe you just have to hear her say it.

2 - I hope that perm isn't too permanent. 

3 -This girl doesn't have half the class of Baby Jessica.

4 - I'm actually proud of Fox for not having an anti-texting expert come on to lambaste the girl, but, on the other hand, I think there should be some acknowledgement that she might want to look up (and down) from now on.

5 - Two words: Samantha Micelli.

6 - Although she's from the hometown of Wu-Tang, I bet this chick is a big Das Efx fan.

7 - How do we know that her boyfriend didn't give her those bruises during a bout of roid rage?

8 - Two more words: Daniel LaRusso.

9 - Did she really say that she is never going to walk over a manhole cover again? So much for dating any of the Ninja Turtles. Also - it's sewers without manhole covers that she has to look out for.

10 - Must public relations people always say that they're launching a "full investigation?" I think the facts are pretty straight here. Girl doesn't watch where she's going; girl falls into manhole; girl gets enough sewer grease in her hair to last through a Staten Island school week.