Maybe I'm getting a little soft, but I can't remember
getting the heebie-jeebies as often at the movies as in this past year.
Whatever the reason, I figure it's time to honor some of those screen moments
that are truly excruciating. And to do so, as my colleague Brett Michel
suggested, what better icon than the sliced eyeball in Luis Buñuel and Salvador
Dali's "Un Chien Andalou?"
The nominees for this year's "Andalusian Eye" are the
following (note: I saw neither "Piranha 3-D" nor "The Human Centipede"):
You expect something disgusting from director Danny Boyle --
remember the kid in the shit-filled latrine in "Slumdog Millionaire?" But in
this film he outdoes himself. I'll pass on the urine-drinking, the slicing with the dull knife, and the bone breaking and cast my vote for the hideous twang of the snipped
ulnar nerve. It even beats out the snapped tibiae in "Frozen."
For those who are nostalgic for such scatalogical assaults as the fecal-coated kid in
"Slumdog," never fear. It was a tough call choosing just one abomination in this film, but I'll take the moment when the
raccoon pees in Brendan Fraser's mouth over the one in which Fraser gets clobbered
by the Porta-Potty.
"The Killer Inside of Me"
I'm torn between the scene in which Casey Affleck's sheriff
beats the shit out of the woman played by Jessica Alba or the one in which he
beats the shit out of the woman played by Kate Hudson.
You'll never pick a hangnail again.
All of it.