Screw Paul McCartney; Russian Kurt Cobain should front the Nu-Nirvana tonight

By now everyone is all sorts of ripshit over the reports that Paul McCartney will join Dave Grohl and Kris Novoselic on stage tonight at Madison Square Garden for the massive 12-12-12 Hurricane Sandy relief concert. This certainly isn't the most upsetting thing to ever happen at MSG -- the Ranger$ buying the 1994 Stanley Cup takes that prize -- but it's definitely the most absurd.

We don't need a former Beatle helping re-form the greatest punk band ever. What we need is RUSSIAN KURT COBAIN to come over from the Motherland and do this pseudo New-vana reunion properly.

Here's what I wrote for OTD back in January 2011, when young Nikolai was filmed performing "About A Girl" on a subway platform in lovely Novosibirsk, launching a million conspiracy theories. [Edit: Ok, just my own]

For argument's sake, let's say you were a famous musician married to Courtney Love, and in 1994 you faked your own death and planned to anonymously live out the rest of your years somewhere far, far away from both the irritating spotlight and the even more irritating ol' wifey. You'd probably end up eventually busking on a Russian subway station, right? And now that everyone has a camera phone (welcome to the show, motherland!), it's no surprise the jig is finally up, right? Right?

Okay, sure, fine, evs city, maybe that's not actually Kurt Cobain performing "About A Girl" for jovial and appreciative subway riders in Novosibirsk.

But suspiciously, just in time for this September's 20th anniversary of the release of Nevermind, this guy Nikolai starts showing up on the interwebs. Despite Russia's subway systems being among the most spectacular in the world, Novosibirsk is pretty much the last place we'd find a Cobain impersonator doing maybe the best Cobain impression since Verbena's "Baby Got Shot". Or maybe it all makes perfect sense, since Russia has been musically lost since Kino's Viktor Tsoi died in 1990.

Someone get Novoselic (Novosibirsk... Novoselic... hmmmm) and Grohl on the horn and let's hook this shit up. If that kid from Days of the New can bang out a sick Jim Morrison with the Doors, lil' Nikolai can front Nirvana for a 20th anniversary legacy tour.

Here's a note from Faux Kurt's wife: Hello and happy new Year everyone! My name is Diana, and the man playng Nirvana in this video is my husband Nikolai. He plays not only Nirvana, but his own songs too. We're both musicians, we play for ourselves, family and friends. By the way, Nirvana is sacred for me, so I never busk with it. And now we don't busk anymore. I discovered this video a week ago, I guess one of our listeners uploaded it. Thank you for your good comments and for the bad ones too. This is an incentive to improve."

No, Diana, it's incentive to come to America! He could be the Ted Williams of Grunge, "the man with the Golden Nirvana Voice!"

Imagine it now: Nu-Nirvana? Newvana? In Bloom: Nirvana 2.0? I think it's time.