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A New Wikipedia Entry for Aerosmith

 

The Inevitable (2009 - 2011)

After a hysterical and seemingly non-sensical fit thrown by Tyler, second-in-command Joe Perry wasted no time replacing the famously flamboyant front man with Beetlejuice of Howard Stern show fame. "He's pretty much the only one out there who can match the intensity that our fans have come to expect from Steven," drummer Joey Kramer told the Boston Herald after the selection was announced. 

After a series of horrific concert events - one, in a Tennessee high school gymnasium, where Beetlejuice drunkenly ejaculated into a scarf that Tyler had left tied to the band's tour microphone - Aerosmith management replaced their psychologically challenged mascot with another odd choice, Caroline Kennedy. "Aerosmith has always been a Boston institution," Kennedy, who grew up in manhattan, told the New York Times. "And in case you didn't see my last name - I'm kind of from Boston too." 

Kennedy's entitlement to replace Tyler did not sit well with fans - many of whom were beinning to appreciate what Beetlejuice had done with such classics as "Walk This Way" and "Don't Want to Miss a Thing." During one concert at a truck stop in North Carolina, the newly revamped outfit was met with violence, when bassist Tom Hamilton was locked in a truck cab and made to listen to "Pump" several times over on repeat.

While his old band was suffering to fill the smallest of arenas, Tyler finally had time to tend to various karmically transmitted diseases that he contracted through his years on the road. But his autobiography, "Lip-Sinking to the Bottom," was even poorly received by his droves of lowbrow fanatics, many of whom believed that Tyler was responsible for their ceasing to work and support their families in the wake of Aerosmith's split.

Perhaps most tragic was the plight of Joey Kramer... 

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