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Intercepting an IM Chat between Two College Freshmen who were at the Mos Def Show Last Night


BUhiphopfrosh: Dude – you there?
Sneakerhead69: Yeah. Kind of. Still blazed from that post-show blunt. Missed orientation this morning.

BUhiphopfrosh: LOL. Me too. Fuck that shit. I like positive hip-hop and all, but I ain’t about sharing my feeling with a bunch of herbs.
Sneakerhead69: That’s real.

BUhiphopfrosh: No homo, but I’m glad we met the other day. What are the chances that we would both be wearing Mos Def t-shirts in the same line to get our campus ID cards?
Sneakerhead69: If you asked me that before the show, I would have said some dumb shit. But it was sold out, so I guess there are a lot of us.

BUhiphopfrosh: Yeah – but still – you have to admit that it kind of reminded you of that scene in Back to School where Rodney Dangerfield had his limo driver hold up the sign that said “Bruce Springsteen.”
Sneakerhead69: Rodney who?

BUhiphopfrosh: What did you think about Jay Electronica?
Sneakerhead69: He was dope. Dude said some fly stuff without a beat. I forget what you call it, but that was dope.

BUhiphopfrosh: A capella?
Sneakerhead69: Is that Italian?

BUhiphopfrosh: Nah – it’s all good. I think it’s cool though when rappers spit without a beat. Electronica is a horrible last name, but that guy has some fly things to say.
Sneakerhead69: That’s my word.

BUhiphopfrosh: So how money was it that Kweli did those Reflection Eternal songs?
Sneakerhead69: Aiight I guess.

BUhiphopfrosh: Aiight??? Those tracks he did first were from that album he did with Hi-Tek? You know that?
Sneakerhead69: Of course I knew that man. You think because I’m from New Jersey I have no taste?

BUhiphopfrosh: My bad. I fingered a girl from Jersey once.
Sneakerhead69: LOL. It’s just hard being a white kid from the ‘burbs sometimes. Trust me – when Kweli asked “Where were you the day hip-hop died?” – I was kind of like: “I was right there with you man.” Fuck Lil Wayne.

BUhiphopfrosh: Damn right fuck Lil Wayne. Did you see Talib’s t-shirt?
Sneakerhead69: Public Enemy baby.

BUhiphopfrosh: Yeaaah Boyeeeee. LOL. We’ll be chillin’. No Homo.
Sneakerhead69: I like those new Reflection Eternal tracks.

BUhiphopfrosh: Word – I read some shit on line about how Kweli and Hi-Tek murdered that SXSW festival.
Sneakerhead69: Mad bitches there I heard.

BUhiphopfrosh: Bitches? I was talking hip-hop.
Sneakerhead69: And you’re the one who said “no homo.” LOL.

BUhiphopfrosh: LOL. Did you hear Kweli shout out Joy Division and Nirvana?
Sneakerhead69: My senior prom date had a heart-shaped box homey.

BUhiphopfrosh: Ha. The pizza was good for a concert venue. Even though I haven’t been to many concert venues. Sneakerhead69: It was awesome when they did “Get By.”

BUhiphopfrosh: It was more awesome when Mos Def came out playing drums and rhyming.
Sneakerhead69: It was more awesome when I fucked your mother.

BUhiphopfrosh: Dude I just met you. That ain’t cool.
Sneakerhead69: I’m just saying that it’s way cooler when Edan does that thing where he raps and scratches.

BUhiphopfrosh: I’ve heard of Edan. I like Mos Def tho. Especially when he raps – I saw him last year or something and he did “Umi Says” for I think like three hours straight.
Sneakerhead69: I thought he was gonna do that tonight, but he kept fooling a ninja. Glad he brought Kweli out for the bangers. Guess they’re cool again – I heard it was weird when they did a bunch of shows without rocking any Black Star joints together.

BUhiphopfrosh: It was weird. But last night was bomb - except for all the posers who were there. It’s like: “I’m a Mos Def fan because I saw Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”
Sneakerhead69: Word. Fuck those losers.

BUhiphopfrosh: You feeling that shit though?
Sneakerhead69: For sure. You can tell it was a good show since even the old people in the crowd were losing it during songs I’ve never heard before. I mean – did you see that guy who looks like Dave Attell taking notes and nodding like he was giving head?

BUhiphopfrosh: I did. That reminds me – this is one of the most grammatically proper IM conversations that I’ve ever had.
Sneakerhead69: Yeah – sorry about that. The whole thing was ghost-written by Chris Faraone from the Boston Phoenix, and he’s one of those perfectionists who can’t even do some experimental shit without crossing every “I” and dotting every “T.” Oh boy is he gonna hate how I deliberately butchered that one.

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