Worst Mother's Day Playlist Ever

Mutter, Rammstein

Here's the Mother's Day mix you won't find on iTunes. We defy you to come up with musical tributes to Mumsy that are more horrible than these 10 tracks.

1) "Diary of an Unborn Child," Lil' Markie
If you'll pardon our mixed metaphor, this is the granddaddy of disturbing mom odes. For those of you unfamiliar with Lil' Markie's noxious oeuvre, he's a mullety evangelical nutcase who takes on the persona of a child to spread the good word. In this case, he vividly recreates the first and final days of (spoiler!) an aborted fetus. "Why did you kill me, Mommy?" Markie mewls. I think we all know the answer to that.

2) "Womb (Miserable Days Mixx)," Wumpscut
German industrial band Wumpscut -- creators of the dancefloor hit "Christfuck" -- have always had a knack for writing a great lyric to match their stomp-craft. (Consider their Teutonic Engrish masterpiece "Die In Winter," which proclaims: "Nature, it dies in winter, too / But will be awoken in contrast to you.") Unlike Lil' Markie's in-utero ditty, "Womb" stars an evil fetus, who scorns its mother and delights in its life as a parasite (brutal lyrics here).

3) "Mutter," Rammstein
More proof that nobody does mommy issues better than the Germans. Here, Rammstein kvetch about their upbringing by writing a song about a deranged all-growed-up test-tube baby who fixates on his "plan to kill both the mother 'who never gave birth to him' and himself, which he carries out." Aw.

4) "Momma Was an Opium Smoker," Rasputina
Oooh, that Momma. Always puffin' and noddin' and drinkin' and whorin' around with guys named Lincoln. And occasionally makin' weird passes at her kids (source).

5) "If You Only Knew," theme from Taboo II
Speaking of incest, how about a little Taboo II, everyone? They don't make porn soundtracks like this anymore: "If You Only Knew" is an airy confection whose innocuous lyrics -- "he knows how to please, in every detail" -- only hint at the mother-son rutting contained within.

6) "Cleanin' Out My Closet," Eminem
Eminem relentlessly ice-burns Debbie Mathers, giving her one of the most epic villainous-mom spotlights since Mommy Dearest's "No more wire hangers!" scene. In addition to the standard "burn in hell" blow-off, this song includes a refreshingly exotic condemnation of Debbie's Münchausen-by-proxy antics.

7) "Mother," The Police
The Police were apparently incapable of writing a non-creepy song, and "Mother" is no exception -- the twist is, instead of being a catchy pop ditty whose unsettling undertones go stealth in the lyrics, the unlistenable "Mother" (penned by Andy Summers) is ready to offend from the get-go. "Oh mother dear please listen / Don't devour me," its protagonist shrieks. "Let this poor boy be." Done, and done.

8) "Mother," Pink Floyd
Here's a far more palatable vision of British mothers who smother, courtesy of The Wall.

Honorable Mentions
These last two we couldn't omit in good conscience. They're not exactly screeds against moms, but they're not the stuff of Hallmark, either. (Thank you, Glenn Danzig.)
9) "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?," The Misfits
10) "Mother," Danzig

Worst Mothers Day Playlist
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