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Straight outta Laguna: Team Alex M


West side, west side?: Alex M on blast.

Holy shit. Just when I thought I couldn’t stand the Laguna Beach withdrawal any longer -- aside: why the fug hasn’t MTV done a marathon yet this summer? Don’t get me wrong, The Hills makes me dangerously happy, but I’m still dying for a good look at the new senior gang and some juicy draaaaama over here! -- OTD got wind of the fact that Alex M.’s album is due to drop on August 22nd, just in time to build off the hype of the season premiere of Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County: Season Three, which airs August 16th. I knew it, I just knew that Al was going to do her damnedest to spin fifteen seconds of crappy warbling during the Season Two fashion show ep into an actual recording deal with Eyecon/Universal. And I pray to god she does a better job of marketing herself than Talan. That won’t be too difficult, though. Kim fucking Stewart?! I’m so terrified that those two might, in another day and age, have actually married and, retch, procreated. Judging by what we’ve heard and what we’ve seen of the cleaned-up, post-Laguna Al (no more making out with Jason in front of everyone in the prom limo, that was naughty), this girlie is poised to take on the world, one high school tour at a time: Hilliard Davidson HS in Columbus, Ohio on Aug 18!

"Hello," trills Alex, on the aptly titled, Sade-esque cut "Hello." "Hello, I’m hiding all my dreams, yes, I’m hiding all my dreams." Do you see, Talan? Do you hear me, sad little Kristen Cavalleri? This chick is biding her time. She isn't partying with gross fashion victim daughters of has-been rockers. She doesn't take bit parts hosting shitty UPN decorating shows in an effort to ricochet to the top of Hollywood's It-girl list. (FYI, Kristen: your "sassy" aka short and stupid haircut sucks, L.C. has completely faced you a thousand times over, and Brody Jenner isn’t THAT cute, so get over it). Everyone knoooooows that’s not how an It-girl rolls. I've studied them, and I take careful note of their razor-sharp assemblage of stylists, publicists, agents, and Momagers. They’re like well-groomed cats. Even the most spoiled feline knows to wait for the right time to pounce and tear their fleshy victims apart with their well-manicured claws. You don't just run after them in a redonkulously short skirt screaming "STE-PHEN!" You wait until you have over 150 THOUSAND MySpace buds, and then you attack. I'm quite sure that with the lovesick, Michelle Branch-lite "Best Friend," which pushes Alex’s reedy vocals to the limit (though I’m a little worried she’s gonna catch some of my best girl Ashlee's -- ehem-- "acid reflux"), and which she peddles on her MySpace page as "a really rough track fresh outta the studio so it's not completely finished yet but let me know what you think so far!", our young lady has the potential to fend off the paparazzi squad. There’s real emotion here. She’s been hurt. Bad. "I really don’t want to be your best friend, cause you’re so much more to me than my best friend." Holla! Are we talking hook-ups? Because I hear Dieter is totes available now.

But first, she seriously needs to get on the whole stylist thing, because the fake-n-bake tan and mousy hair really isn't working for me. Al, I think I read in In Touch that MK and Ashley have a great colorist. Make an appointment. Also, maybe some edgier threads to take attention away from the kool-aid music? I can definitely see you pulling off some Ben Sherman tops. Omigosh, I know, I know, it's not about the image, it's about the music. I'll cut her some slack. To wit: Alex describes her sound as follows: "my influences would be my life, loves, friends and family." Clearly, things could go one of two ways. She could be the next Jennifer Love Hewitt. (You know what happened to her after she tried to sing: Hanes-Her-Way commercials. Ouch.) Or, with the right look, she could kick L. Lo right out of the A-Group. I have high hopes for you, Alex M. Do not disappoint me. And please accept my friend request and add me already. Good Christ, you’re not that busy yet.

Sharon Steel

STREAM: Alex M, "Hello"
STREAM: Alex M, "Let It Come True"
DOWNLOAD: over at Kevipod
VISIT: Alex M's website

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