Fact: it is impossible to resist cute white girls who make celebutante hipster music. It's just too damn adorbale. Lily Allen has made off with the blogosphere's hearts, not to mention the New Yorker's, and we fear she's about to ravage ours as well. First three listens? Purely meh. Then bang: it starts raining for a spell and suddenly her song about exchanging dirty looks and throwing elbows with tough cases in the club starts to sound like, I dunno, a Bartles-and-Jaymes version of the Streets? Plus she makes mixtapes where she covers 50 Cent and abuses the air horn sample. Plus she hangs out with Mark Ronson and samples Professor Longhair. Go ahead: you try not liking her.
Ditto Paris Hilton. She's anti-intellectualism personified, and thus (we tend to think) she is exactly what rockists deserve. Still: enough already, just hand her over the keys to the universe. Make her president. Anything to make it stop. We have all her music so far, and we don't know how: that "Screwed" song she stole from Hilary Duff's sister, the fake Blondie cover she didn't do . . . and now her alleged first single, "Stars Are Blind." Which, call us crazy, sounds a bit llike Lily Allen. Yea, Lily is more Madness and Paris is more Blondie/"Tide Is High"/bubblereggae, but they're both Jamaica-lite, self-consciously so, or maybe it's just the complete lack of even a hint of dancehall that makes them both feel like wicked throwbacks. Don't care. They seem equally authentic, which is to say they're both completely inauthentic, which gives us license to put both of them into equally heavy rotation on the iPod.
DOWNLOAD: Lily Allen, "My First Mixtape" (mp3)DOWNLOAD: Lily Allen, "Mixtape #2" (mp3)DOWNLOAD: Paris Hilton, "Stars Are Blind" at Kevipod