Blog Rollcall: K-Fed, Lemon-Red, Pazz and Jop, and more

How do you say "Vanilla Ice" in Portuguese?

1. Before you embark on your subculturally-programmatic mocking of the new Kevin Federline single -- and yes, it is in fact a baile-funk track produced by Disco D, and yes, that means this will be most Middle Americans' introduction to baile-funk, and yes, there are already people who are mad at it -- consider these four arguments, put forth by no less than Disco D himself on Hollerboard the other night, after asking the question of all questions, "How is this more of a cultural infringement than M.I.A.?" (Low blow, D -- nobody up in your grill asking who named a white boy the king of ghetto tech, right?) So here goes, inna direct quote stylee: Disco D's top 4 reasons K-Fed is more authentic less reprehensible more enviro-friendly (insert-value-judgement-here) than M.I.A.:

"1) He actually pays homage to the type of music referenced and shouts it out and where it came from.
2) The beat isn't a straight bite of anything else in existence, where as M.I.A. just took someone elses' rhythm
3) Every Brasilian I've played it for, including DJ Marlboro and DJ Juliao (the biggest funk DJ in Sao Paulo) loves it.
4) He is shooting the video in Brasil, bringing tens of thousands of dollars in commerce as well as countless amounts of exposure to the country."

Can OTD just chime in hurrr and opine the following: There's nothing more embarassing than turning in your Pazz and Jop ballot with a baile-funk comp on it, only to turn around and find out that Britney Spears' babydaddy just rubbed one out for his debut single. Why bother doing all the hard work of being an early-adopting hipster when some Mickey Mouse millionaire is just gonna come shank your game in the back? (Uh, quick: what's the html for <sarcasm>?) That said, a little perspective, folks: no, it's not gonna replace De Falla's "Popozuda Rock N Roll" as the greatest baile-funk song ever, but it's a big step up from Kelly Osbourne's faux-"Favela Funk" mix of "One Word." Word?

LISTEN: Kevin Federline, "Popo Zao" (mp3 via this site, beware the popups). There's also a Megaupload link over at Do It Old Maid.

2. Pre-K-Fed (as all time before now in the history of favela funk shall be henceforth known), Paul Devro made one of our fave baile-funk mixes. Go figure: his new mix, next up in the world-beating Lemon-Red mix series brought to you by URB's hip-hop blogger of the year, has not a lick of funk carioca on it. "No baltimore, no grime, no baile," he tells L-R. "Some bollywood, some iraqi, some italo, some p funk. one new rap song, some old ones." The first song sounds like some third-world transmogrification of "My Humps," (we mean that as a compliment), and it only gets crazier from there. OTD has a soft spot for rap answer tracks, so Icy J gets vigorous nods and rockist overbite, too. Devour, study, surrender:

LISTEN: Paul Devro, Lemon-Red January Mix (mp3)

3. And while you're over there, Mr. Lemon-Red got hisself added to Pazz and Jop, but was not silly enough to add a baile-funk comp to his albums list. He was, however, generous enough to post his entire singles list as a motherfucking zip file. Dope. Since everyone seems to be doing it -- and though no one asked -- here's OTD's P&J Ballot:

1. Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway - RCA (15)
2. LCD Soundsystem - LCD Soundsystem - Capitol (14)
3. MIA - Arular - Interscope (13)
4. System of a Down - Mezmerize - American (12)
5. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm - Vice (11)
6. Young Jeezy - Let's Get It: Thug Motivation 101 - Def Jam (9)
7. Lightning Bolt - Hypermagic Mountain - Load (8)
8. Various Artists - Slam Dunk Presents Funk Carioca - Mr. Bongo (7)
9. The Illegible DJ Caps and Pandemonium Jones - Moving In Stereo - nolabel (6)
10. Say Anything - Is a Real Boy - Doghouse (5)

1. Amerie - 1 Thing - Sony
2. Beck - Girl - Interscope
3. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps - Interscope
4. Three 6 Mafia - Stay Fly - Sony
5. Paul Wall - Sittin Sideways - Swishahouse/Atlantic
6. Doomriders - Black Thunder - Deathwish, Inc.
7. As Long As We're All Living We're All Dying - Fatigue - Teenage DiscoBloodbath
8. Kano featuring D Double E & Demon - Reload - 679
9. Sufjan Stevens - Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois -Asthmatic Kitty
10. MIA - URAQT (DJ C Remix) - XL

4. David Banner, New York Times columnist. Bet he'll get a P&J ballot next year.

5. You did whispers and whistles. You ate some Laffy Taffy and got your sugar fix. What's next? Oh, snap!

LISTEN: Dem Franchize Boys, "Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It" (mp3)
LISTEN: D4L, "Betcha Can't Do It Like Me" (mp3)
LISTEN: BHI, "Bubblegum" (mp3)

6. Ghostface Killer doll. Accessories: "Real 14 karat gold chain. Real GFK Robe Gold Chalice with Swarovski crystals. Each doll will include a Ghostface Killah Doll mixtape by a world-famous DJ TBA. Real 14 karat gold avenging eagle accessory (extra). Each collector will have a 1 in 500 chance to spend a day with Ghostface Killah himself. Each Doll will come in a limited edition gold sealed box. Ghostface Killah is fully involved in all aspects of the project from manufacturing to promotion. Each Doll speaks original recordings of Ghostface Killah catch-phrases."

7. Obie Trice kicks off official marketing campaign for new Eminem-produced album by getting shot in head.

LISTEN: Obie Trice, "Wanna Know" (Real Audio stream)

8. Winner: best post combining Johnny Damon abuse and a song by the Hives, awarded to Badminton Stamps. Winner: best post combining Johnny Damon abuse and two songs by the New York Dolls, also awarded to Badminton Stamps.

9. Remember back in 2002 or whenever when every third and fourth word out of everyone's mouth was "no wave"? Prepare for that again this year. JD Twitch of Optimo DJs fame gets you caught up with a 45-minute mix featuring traxxx from Contortions, DNA, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, Y Pants, and more:

LISTEN: JD Twitch, "No Wave Mix" (mp3) (annotated tracklist)

10. Yet another reason never to use Explorer again.

11. Not sure what the headline is here: that Amazon's giving away lots of mp3s, or that Apollo Sunshine (Boston's answer to the Flaming Lips, or maybe just to the Flamin' Groovies) has two of the top 8 songs on Amazon's free-mp3 chart. Whoa.

12. OTD faves Ponies in the Surf shouted out by Gorilla Vs Bear. Rad.

13. Boston's DJ BC owns CultureBully's list of the 10 Best Mashups of 2005. Reasons?

LISTEN: DJ BC, "Yoshimi Battles Snoop Dogg" (mp3)
LISTEN: DJ BC, "Can You Hear Biz Knockin'?" (mp3)

14. We love DJ BC, but with all due respect, what about this one?:

LISTEN: DJ Mei Lwun, "You Humped Me All Night Long" (mp3)

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