The Piss Man Cometh

Built by Rolex virginese technology running through my stomach Aluminum die-cast metal kneecaps with see-thru plexiglass thighs you can't believe your eyes Arms from General Motors with fingers from Ford that you can't afford On the cellular phone man talkin to Oscar Goldman With Rolls Royce on the conference line To give my shoulders aerodynamic wings rockets under my ribcage to give my bodyframe a new design 2000 turbo man with insurance and turbo plan With United Parcel sending me special future food from Afghanistan.

KOOL KEITH a/k/a Dr. Dooom a/k/a Dr. Octagon a/k/a That Retarded Funk Maker a/k/a Black Elvis is back to get everyone handicapped. Lately he's been calling himself the "piss man" and declaring his intention to "work on some old crazy dust-type shit. Shit about me having a shootout with a nigga in space." Whether he'll even show up tonight is another question. But he's scheduled for downstairs at the Middle East, 480 Mass Ave, Cambridge 617.864.EAST.

Apparently there's a new album but truth is we've stopped paying attention to his music. And his live shows are like bad-rapper magnets. But dude, the interviews are worth a zillion dollars. Keith: please give up music and become the indie-rap Henry Rollins. Here's some gems from his latest:
"I was never into jazz or nothing like that. I never met Ron Carter. I am just that retarded funk maker."

"I am not a character all the time. I'm walking around the city streets, going through the confrontations, the eye mugging, the gridlocked traffic, the hot weather, listening to the gunshots . . . A guy in Kansas City might not relate to it, because he is sitting next to a pony on a farm. I'm only being myself."

"People avoid my reality. They don't want to hear my truth. They'd rather hear somebody rap about they shot up 20 blocks and murdered eight dudes yesterday, they drive 17 cars, they got four dicks. I'm just saying that people want to believe more fantasy. I don't get out nine Suburbans just to go in the supermarket. I go buy my apples and pay for my milk and walk out the store and go where I am going."

"You got people out there that always rapping about the same shit. You got your blunt motherfuckers who just blunt themselves to death. You got your gun talking motherfuckers who just gun talk themselves to death. Then you got me. I am the piss man. They get mad at the piss man cause the piss man wants to do all this pissy stuff . . . Like a rapper in your face and his breath stinks. You like 'Nigga stop rappin', your breath stinks.' That's real. People don't want me to rap about 'You didn't chip in for the pizza nigga, you get one slice.' "
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